[Quick update on this blog: I write this soon after the peak of the widespread BLM protests and marches. The Covid-19 pandemic is still raging. While the curve is down, way down, here in New York State, in the nation the number of infections seems to be on the rise again, particularly in the states that most support President Trump, a man who managed to politicize and work against taking basic precautions against the virus. See https://ourworldindata.org/ or https://91-divoc.com/ While on one hand, I think history is going to condemn Mister Trump in so many ways, I also can't help thinking about our current era and our current president is sure to be a subject of much study and discussion among historians, for, probably, centuries. So many things to think about, dig into, and try to understand there. I have done some small amount of writing on him, but on a different blog. Also, if plagues and pandemics interest you, you might consider seeking out my piece on Smallpox in China on this blog. As for the BLM movement, I'd like to recommend a couple interesting pieces by Jason Colavito that touch on the current controversies. First, we have a very interesting piece on Columbus and the historiography surrounding him and his niche in the history of Italian-Americans, a once surprisingly persecuted people. See: The Two Faces of Columbus: How a Genocidal Tyrant Became an Anti-Discrimination Icon for Italian-Americans , He also wrote this interesting piece: A+E Networks Cancels "Live PD" on A&E after Protests but Leaves Racist History Channel Shows on the Air . Jason Colavito, as I also wrote here once, writes extensively on false ideas in early human history, particulary the slew of ancient astronaut shows. When I started this blog, I'd intended to do more writing on those things, particularly as these ideas are so widespread in some circles these days, but Mr Colavito seems to have already done a fine, fine job on most of the truly interesting subjects so why reinvent the wheel, as they say? As for this blog, while I'd hoped to add something weekly, I'm beginning to think that biweekly is a more realistic, achievable schedule that will allow me time to do other interesting things as well. And now for some movie history . . .]
Oh my. Sometimes you have to do things just because you have to do them. Life is full of such events. Unimportant, useless acts, intentionally devoid of mean, yet somehow punctuated by things of importance, things with meaning. But sometimes, yes, sometimes, things happen and things are done for no reason at all.
And thus it was, a while back, I found myself watching an awesome documentary called "Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films." A wonderful experience, it tells the story of two Israeli cousins, Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus, film makers in their native land, who came to America, purchased a company named Cannon Films, and proceeded without pause to make film after film after bad after atrocious after bizarre but often truly great, wonderful, unimaginable fun films. And wild and unforgettable and great fun they often were. It's a wondeful documentary, I recommend it without hesitation, and even included a link to purchase it below.
Alas!! Like all good things, their partnership came to an end with much fighting, feuding, squabbling, and even animosity. And when it did, in 1990, each cousin claimed ownership of the company's then "big" project in the making, the concept being a film based on a dance that was big in Brazil, a dance called the LAMBADA.
The rivalry became manifest in a race between the two cousins to produce a film based on the Lambada and release it before their cousin released his, thereby beating him to the market and getting the bulk of all that wild money that was allegedly waiting because the one thing they agreed on was that the world not just needed a film based on the Lambada, but that the person who released such a film first was going to be rewarded handsomely and be showered with lots and lots of money.
Neither felt that such a film need be good, just that it be made quickly, faster than its competitor, and, thus, off they went, racing, cutting corners, shortening rehearsals, tightening shooting schedules, each determined to be the first to release the world's first American Lambada film.
In the end, believe it or not, the race ended in a tie and the two films were released on the same day, competing with each other, an event that frustrated both cousins, yet was easily ignored by the rest of the world. Alas! It seems the bulk of the American people had little interest in a film based on the Lambada, a 1990 dance craze from Brazil, a nation known for, among many other things, short lived dance crazes that came and went each year.
And thus it was . . . the two competing Lambada dance films.
I'm going to start with a quick discussion of the film "Lambada -the Forbidden Dance," also released under the title "The Forbidden Dance." To my mind, undoubtedly the superior product, at least I enjoyed it more than the other meaning I laughed a lot instead of cringing uncomfortably as I did with the other.
Spoiles with both films, but, honestly, they're both pretty formulaic anyway so I don't really feel like I'm releasing any big secrets here.
“Lambada –The Forbidden Dance” (originally released under the title “The Forbidden Dance”) is, in my humble opinion, clearly the superior of the two films, although few would claim that’s saying much. And, in fairness to the second film, it had a big advantage as unlike its competitor, the creators had the rights to use the actual Lambada song, thus allowing for this film, unlike its competitor, to actually contain Lambada dance scenes. (Yes, someone once made a movie called “Lambada” about a dance and a song called the Lambada that did not contain a single scene of people dancing the Lambada dance to the Lambada song and then released it globally hoping it would become a smash hit. If nothing else, that piece of trivia probably makes it worth having read, at least, this far.)
However, that does not necessarily mean that it’s a good film. It’s not a good film. But it is a fun film and well worth a group gathering to watch a turkey film. and, in that context, I highly recommend it.
Basic plot is that Laura Harring, known as the first ever Mexican-American Miss America and star of David Lynch’s film “Mulholland Drive,” plays an Indian princess who leaves Brazil and heads to the USA to save the rain forest. Accompanied by a shaman of her tribe and followed by an agent of the evil corporation that wishes to exploit and destroy the rain forest and its resources, and thus wants to interfere with her mission, she finds herself in Los Angeles where she takes work as a maid, a Spanish speaking maid, no less, which is kind of interesting as the bulk of the rain forest is in Brazil, a Portuguese speaking country. But nevertheless she arrives in Los Angeles, kind of sort of a Spanish speaking place itself, and get a job as a maid.
The evil agent of the rainforest destroying corporation is played by Richard Lynch. Now, I have no idea what Richard Lynch is like in real life, he could be a sweetheart, but on screen, he is very good at acting evil. Not only was he the Russian terrorist leader in the Chuck Norris film “Invasion USA” (dumb film) but he played a very interesting character named John Kirin on an episode called “Blind Faith.” Less said about this, the better save that Highlander was a very good series once it found its voice around season three or so, and this was a particularly good episode. Watch it.
Her employers are a very, very rich family. (There is always a very, very rich family in these movies. So rich that no matter how wealthy might the family of an audience member might be, they are 99% of the time richer than anyone in the audience possible could be. Curiously this, plus the Lambada dance idea, is one thing both films have in common. Pretty white children who dance from outrageously wealth families.)
They have a son, played by Jeff James. This was, apparently, his only film and I have been unable to learn anything about him. (If you learn anything about him, please share in the comments section.)
He likes to dance. Hmmmm . . . I bet you can guess where this all leads at this point. Well, you are probably correct.
Remember the scenes in Breakin' and Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo where the Lucinda Dickey character's ultra-wealthy parents beg, urge, and plead with her to stop dancing with poor people? Of course, you do. I mean, without them those films would have no social message whatsoever. Well, they're more or less repeated here only the rich child is a son and the economically disadvantaged dance partner dances the lambada instead of break dancing. (Like, I said, part of this film's backstory is that the Cannon film partners hoped to repeat the financial success of those earlier dance films, only with this dance film instead of cashing in on already established major dance fad they were hoping to build a minor dance fad into a major one at the same time.
Skipping ahead through several scenes, They dance, dance, and he stands up to racist friends who call her hurtful names like "beaner" and tell him that dancing with "beaners" and the maid is not cool, nevertheless, he continues to dance with the maid, because, well, all dancers are equal, and it doesn't hurt anything that she is knock-dead, absolutely gorgeous and if it would help me meet women who look like that, well, I'd take up dancing lessons too. Ultimately they get a chance to enter a dance contest together, which, as everyone knows is an important step in gaining the publicity required to save the Amazonian rain forest.
Not only that but the dance contest is hosted by none other than the vastly under-rated musician Kid Creole (AKA August Darnell) of Kid Creole and the Coconuts (look them up if you don't know he is. You'll be glad you did. Kid Creole is one of my all time favorite performers) The Lambada is danced spectacularly and . . . well . . . I don't want to give away the ending, but right before the credits role words spread across the screen explaining "This film is dedicated to the Brazilian Rain Forest."
Wonderful film. Wonderful, wonderful film indeed. Wonderful. Truly Wonderful. Go watch it.
Which brings us to its competitor, merely named "Lambada." Some say this is the better of the two. However, those people are wrong, just wrong, just plain wrong. For one thing, the makers of this film, lacked the rights to use the lambada song so this one, unlike the other that had those rights, does not have any actual lambada dance scenes in it.
The film starts in an upscale, wealthy high school in Beverly Hills. Now when I say "upper class, wealthy" put that in this context. One comment some have made about American culture and society is that Americans like to think of themselves as middle class. Middle class covers a wide range of incomes. Many people who could consider themselves as "poor" or "wealthy" in other societies, in the USA tend to think of themselves as "middle class." However, there is absolutely no way anyone anywhere could possibly think of these high school kids as "middle class." They drive fancy cars, wear expensive clothes, their teachers wear suits, and the school administrators speak with snooty accents and clear their threat and say "Ahum" a lot before looking down their nose to speak to people.
We have a very sexy high school student who is played by 23 year old actress Melora Hardin (who later became known as "Linda" in "The Office." I never really watched "The Office," by the way, because when it was at its peak of popularity, I'd never worked in an office setting really and couldn't relate to most of what was happening in it. She also played Mr Monk's late wife in flashback scenes a few times in the series Monk ) While she's sexy, I didn't find her attractive. For one thing, she is, after all, supposed to be a high school student. Also, and, fortunately for her, while history has proven me wrong, she looked like one of those women who just isn't going to age well. I was, and, yes, my frame of reference can quickly get esoteric, reminded me of one of those women (or men) in a Yukio Mishima novel, who while stunningly beautiful, their beauty leads to unrequited desire and great pain for everyone around them, but who in the end either fade and decay into ugliness unless blessed with a quick and spectacular death while at their peak of beauty, so they are remembered as beautiful by those around them, with no decay or loss of purity to taint their memory. Perhaps one of these days, I'll write a column on Yukio Mishima. Who knows?
Anyway, she gets a handsome new math teacher played by 32 year old actor J. Eddie Peck. He went on to do daytime soap opera work mostly. Despite a 9 year age gap between the actors, the truth is they look to be about the same age. Nevertheless, it is kind of icky and distasteful to see her lusting after the teacher. We're not talking harmless fantasy, school girl crush kind of thing here. We're talking full-on sexy teenager who looks about 23 (see above) starts pursuing the teacher with intent to seduce him and lure him into bed and jump his bones, one evening of hot and heavy desire ending in the destruction of the poor sap's teaching career. Yikes!
She talks about this a bit but isn't sure how exactly to find the teacher and spend time with him and make her move. What exactly is the best way for a high school student to find her math teacher, get him alone, and make the moves on him, so she can jump his bones and lure him into bed? Yes, this is the sort of important social questions that this film grapples with. Hmm, how can it compare to the other one? It's not like she's trying to save the Amazon rain forest or anything like that at all, now is it?
Well, fate seems to solve this for her when her friends take her to an underground East LA Dance Club and guess who she encounters inside? Her math teacher, Mr Laird, only he's wearing a leather jacket instead of a suit and tie, has set aside his little round math teacher glasses, and instead is dressed in a leather jacket and jeans and using the name "Blade." She throws herself at him, grabbing his hips, and trying to get him to dance the lambada, but he pushes her away, telling her he does not dance with students and her behavior is inappropriate and must stop.
For several scenes she pursues him, throwing herself at him, dressed in her sexiest, low-cut clothes. Speaking as someone who took a stab at teaching, this is a high school teacher's biggest nightmare actually. On top of that, we know, from previous scenes, that he's married and has a child, no less.
But why, oh why, is he spending all this time in the dance club if he's such a stand-up, good guy?
We learn the answer about halfway through the movie. He has, of course, been going there to tutor the economically disadvantaged Mexicans who hang out at the club for their GEDs.
[BTW, this film really does seem to include a lot of unconscious ugly racism against Mexicans. For instance, how did the Mexican math teacher get a chance to go to college and become a teacher? Well, his Mexican parents died and he was adopted by a White family. And who's the bouncer at the Mexican East LA dance club? Dennis Burkly, who is perhaps best known for one of the thugs in the awesome film "Road House." He's the one who's so big, stupid, and rural Red Neck seeming that you just can't really get angry with him even if he is one of the bad guys in that film. You might remember him for his awesome line in "Road House" "A bear done fell on me." (He's claiming he saw nothing at the end because a taxidermied bear fell on him and pinned him to the floor during a fight scene.) In this film, he plays a bounce named "Uncle Big," a white red neck bouncer at the underground Mexican dance club. Ummmm, okay. Sounds like an ethnic joke waiting to happen. "Q: Why did the Mexican dance club hire a redneck bouncer?" A: "To get to the other side." (Please, if you have a better punchline, share it in the comments.) We also get to see dancer Adolfo Quinones (AKA "Shabadoo") try to handle a role where he must act, and not dance, and learn why he did not go too far in the acting business.]
And finally, how does one end a film about the Lambada dance if you don't have the rights to use the lambada song or dance? Perhaps with a different song and grand dance extravaganza? While this sounds good to me, not here. Perhaps the writers felt this would call attention to the absence of the lambada song. So how did they end the film? Why with a big, thrilling, math contest, of course. And, no, I am not making this up.
So . . . you now know the story of the dueling lambada films. Isn't history fun?
But, wait! There's more. As if all this weren't weird enough, it turns out that the lambada song itself, the big 1990 dance craze and song from Brazil, was not even created in 1990 and was not created in Brazil either. It turns out the song actually originated in Bolivia in 1981, being sung by a group named Las Kjarkas, and was plagiarized by a Brazilian who passed it off as his own creation until eventually sued. Proof lies below.
And don't forget, I was first put on the trail of exploring all this by the following documentary. If you've enjoyed reading about this, you should enjoy it.
RANDOM WEIRDNESS
As stated the Lambada was an international dance craze. Therefore we offer it sung in Cambodian. I actually do have a page on this blog discussing the history of Cambodian pop music.
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